Why Narcissists Immediately Marry the New Supply

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Today I want to talk about why narcissists immediately marry the new supply.  There are so many reasons for this, but I’m going to try to stick to just a few because we could go on for hours talking about this.

I think one of the main reasons is that after you have caught on to them, and you know what they’re like, and you’re not putting up with it anymore, you’ve set some boundaries and now you have scared the daylights out of them.  They know they cannot pass over you all the things they used to do to you.  They know you won’t accept their abuse anymore.

They know they need somebody else who’s going to pamper them, so they cling to the new supply.  If this new supply is willing to do their bidding, willing to get into trouble for them, willing to lay down their life for the narcissist, the narcissist is going to hold on to that new supply.

One of the things that makes me think of this is women who write to criminals and marry violent felons in jail.  The felons know that they can use these women.  I was watching one crime show where a woman was saying she’s a ‘ride-or-die’ woman, which means she is willing to commit crimes with a man who is not even her lover.  He’s a narcissistic, crazy, violent, criminal boyfriend that she met while he was an inmate in jail.  If the narcissist finds supply who is willing to do this, they are going to latch on.

Another reason they’ll immediately marry the new supply is if the new supply is providing tender loving care.  They have come out of the relationship damaged.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT2w4wp95HQ

The damage to the narcissist is not the kind of damage we suffer.  Rather it’s that we have noticed they are a narcissist and we’re not going to take it anymore.  That that damages them.  That injures them when we won’t succumb to their tactics and manipulations.  We won’t allow them to win all the time anymore because we’ve gotten some self-respect.

They want the new supply to care for them and see them as the victim.  Everybody is out to get them, especially you, the ex, a horrible person that the new supply must rescue them from.  They want the new supply to build them up again and make them feel whole again.  They want the new supply to make them feel wanted, loved and accepted, no matter what the narcissist may do to the new supply.

The narcissist will also look for someone who is going to stroke their ego.  The new supply is stroking their ego, healing their wounds for them, totally on their side.  The new supply agrees that you (the ex) must have been this crazy, horrible, obsessive, abusive person from whom the new supply must rescue the narcissist.  Suddenly the narcissist becomes the star in the new supply’s eyes.  The new supply wants to cater to their every need.

When the narcissist sees this, they are going to want to marry this new supply.  They have been injured.  They are clinging to somebody who is going to rescue them from you (the ex) and give them the narcissistic life they want.  If the new supply is willing to do this, the narcissist is going to marry that new supply right away.  In the narcissist’s mind this also proves that you (the ex) are the crazy one and that they were able to move on.

Another reason, of course the obvious reason that a narcissist will marry immediately after leaving you is if they find somebody who has money.  They find somebody who is better off than you were, someone with whom they can see themselves climbing the social ladder.  They find someone they see they can use, someone who’s got something valuable to them, whether it’s real estate or connections or status or a job that will become available for them if they stick with the new supply.  The narcissist is certainly going to want to marry this type of person right away.  This is probably a supply they haven’t had.  They have moved up a tier in status in their own minds.

This dynamic also works the other way.  The narcissist will attract new supply by flaunting that they have money.  If your ex narcissist is the one who has money, and you have put your foot down and said “I’m not going to be your slave anymore!  I’m not going to allow you to abuse me anymore!” now they are going to flaunt their wealth (or their false image of wealth) and try to catch a new supply.

This way the narcissist can catch someone who just falls completely for the image of wealth.  This is the sadness of it:  a new supply will even fall for this tactic if the narcissistic man or woman is married!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mvl6qRutrEQ

At this point the new supply does not care.  They love that the narcissist is love-bombing them.  They love that the narcissist is paying all this attention to them, especially if the narcissist appears to have money. 

Clearly this new supply is a somewhat shallow jerk.  They could be a man or a woman.  This is true across genders.

This picture is hilarious.  It’s a man with a big fat wallet coming out of his pocket.  He’s got so much money that he can’t fit his wallet in his pocket.  It’s just bursting out of his pocket.  The new supply is, unfortunately, very susceptible to this.  The narcissist knows to do this.  If the new supply is susceptible to the flaunting of money they are going to allow the narcissist to treat them extremely badly in order to hold onto some dream of a secure financial future with the narcissist. 

If the narcissist can fool this new supply for a short time, and if the narcissist knows they can’t sustain this kind of affluent lifestyle, they are going to marry that supply right away.  The narcissist is going to pin them down because they also know that they’re getting older.

The narcissist may no longer be the young, spry guy or girl they used to be.  They are not the great catch they once were.  They are not on their game like they used to be.  They are no longer as charismatic, no longer drawing everybody in.  As they get older, they are not going to look as appealing to new supply anymore. 

The narcissist can still catch new supply while they have a little bit of their looks left.  They are going to want to pin that down.  They are going to want to get married right away and keep the new supply.  If the narcissist is aging, they want to lock in the next supply they can get because they know their time is running out.

They know that they won’t be able to find good supply much longer because people are not going to be as attracted to them.  People are not going to be pulled in as easily as they were when the narcissist was young and charismatic and able to win people over.  In their prime, female narcissists can attract all kinds of men, both older and younger, rich and up-and-coming.  The male narcissists know they can capture a more attractive woman and even an affluent woman if they’re good-looking.

The sad thing for us is that they are going to flaunt this new supply as if this new supply is their actual soulmate. 

Another reason the narcissist will marry the new supply right away is to prove to their family and friends and your family and friends that you are the problem.  They will argue that you were horrible and abusive, that you were the problem in their relationship.  If you were not the problem, then how is it that they’re able to find a soulmate right away?

If the new supply can love the narcissist and care for them and holds them in such high esteem, they will argue it’s because you are the person who is abusive.  They will have finally found someone willing to love and care and be kind and gentle and generous with them.  Because of this they’re going to choose the new supply over you.  They will then marry them just to make sure everyone gets the point that you were the problem. 

The narcissist will paint a flattering portrait of themselves, saying “Oh look at me! I’m with my new soulmate!” You will know that the new person is just a supply.  You will know the narcissist is putting on an elaborate act, and the supply buys into it.  The supply will think “I found this man or this woman who loves me so much and wants to protect me and wants to be with me forever! Someone who sees having children together!”

The relationship could be an older narcissistic man with a much younger woman, and suddenly the new supply is the only woman the narcissist ever wanted to have children with!  The new supply is thinking “I must mean so much to them!”  The narcissist will paint this picture for everybody, for their family, for your friends, for the coworkers.  They want everyone to think there is really something wrong with you if they can move on and have such a beautiful, amazing, romantic fairytale relationship.  They may even send out pictures on Facebook and all their social media to build up the fantasy.

This is the reality.  This is the kind of picture that would realistically depict their new supply relationship.  It’s so sad.  It’s some guy smoking a cigarette.  He looks pretty grumpy and miserable.  The woman has her nose smashed into the back of his shoulder, standing behind him.  It’s a very gray, grim picture.  She’s neglected.  He’s probably more focused on his cigarette than he is on her.  This is what the real picture of that new relationship is, even if at the beginning the new supply thinks that they’re being loved.  Even if the new supply thinks this is their soulmate, it does not last long.  For the public it looks like a long-term relationship, a long-term fairy tale, but in private it really feels like despair.

The new supply will feel like they are alone.  They will feel like they don’t really have a soulmate.  They are clinging so hard to the narcissist because they truly believe the dream and the fantasy.

This is the future-faking that the narcissist has perfected.  They know how to make a future look like it’s going to be this fairy tale come true, but the reality is that the new supply feels alone more than they feel wholeness or togetherness.

The new supply is not going to feel happiness with the narcissist.  They will muster the happiness if the narcissist is rich and has status and is able to supply things for them.  The new supply is going to feel like they’re in heaven for a while.

Deep inside the new supply is going to feel empty.  They are going to feel like the whole world is dark and closing in on them.  They are going to start losing the fantasy.  They are not going to understand what’s going on in their life.  This is the cognitive dissonance that happens when you are with the narcissist.  The supply can just look around and find out they are losing all kinds of things.  They are losing their status.  They are losing their money.  They are losing their assets.  They are losing control of their kids because the narcissist is taking over their kids and even turning their kids against them.

If the new supply has kids, the kids will give the narcissist more supply.  The narcissist will marry if the new supply has extra supply like children, because one person is not enough supply for the narcissist.

What is happening is that the new supply is going to feel trapped.  Their kids are going to feel trapped.  They are going to be required to give the narcissist constant adoration, constant affirmation, just constantly building up the narcissist.  

The beauty of this is that you are standing on the outside of this.  You get to be the person driving by and seeing the wreck that is the relationship that the narcissist has with their new spouse (new supply).  You know it’s headed towards a wreck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nxCGVQmYx8

You know they are going to crash.  You just know it, but you don’t have to be there to watch it.  You probably won’t even see it happen.  One day you will just find out they got a divorce.  One day you will find out that the supply walked out on them.  One day you will find out that the narcissist walked out on the new supply.  It is going to happen, but even if you never hear about it, just be glad that you are on the outside.  You are not part of that wreckage.  You are not going to be part of it anymore.  You are coming out of your own wreckage.  You must to come out of it.  You have to see straight now.  Don’t feel that you are missing out on anything, because really you are not.  You are not missing out on a thing.

The narcissist wants to make it look like you are missing out.  They want to blame you for all the misery that they ended up with.  You ended the relationship because you would not take their narcissistic ways anymore.  You have caused them narcissistic injury by standing up to them, by not accepting their lies anymore, by not accepting their abuse anymore.  If you are the one who walked out, that is huge narcissistic injury to them.

Even with that, I know that some people out there are feeling the pain and loss of the love that they used to have with their narcissist.  Just realize that you are the lucky one.  Many times a narcissist will marry the next person in less than a year!  It’s insane to me, but this is how injured people behave.  The narcissist is going to be injured at the end of your relationship.  They need to fill that void right away.

The first step in creating a great life, now that you’re away from the narcissist, is to get away and stay away from that wreckage.  No matter how good it might look on social media you must stay away.

Please comment below and I will talk to you soon.